Poland, 19th C. Egg decorated with micrographic text from the Song of Songs. Handwritten in ink. From the 18th century, and perhaps even earlier, hollow eggs on which sacred texts had been written in micrography were used to decorate European sukkahs. Not all the texts related directly to the holiday of Sukkot, the Festival of Booths: this example has Song of Songs 1-4:7 inscribed in miniscule letters. At times feathers were added to the hanging egg, so that it looked like a bird in flight.”
I am VERY disappointed in myself today but I hope my disappointment results in a learning experience, rather than just a failure.
I did not do very well in my Meaning of Life or Logic midterms, at all. I thought I did—I was wrong. The time pressure of answering seven short essay questions in 50 minutes, affected me more than I thought it did. To be fair, that’s what one gets, for Pride. Not to say I didn’t study—I did. But I could have studied more. I get out of it what I put into it.
But apparently so did everybody else. This should be tempered more prudently with the information that the average of the class in the Meaning of Life midterm was a 65%. I scored a 64.5%. (I thought I had gotten A’s on both exams.) Everyone got curved points so the 65% is no longer a D, but a C-. Other people who are also majors, not just classmates, also did poorly on the exam well within the bracket of my own score. But I’m especially disappointed in myself anyway. My Logic test was better, a 70.5, (which is a solid C at least) and a vast majority of my peers also didn’t do exactly A+ on this exam either but I’m still very, very upset.
Ultimately the midterms aren’t worth any more than 15% of my total grade, but I can’t believe that all my hard work has been so fucked over in the results of my efforts. It makes me seriously doubt my ability to do the Honors program next year.
I know being this busy is ultimately for my own betterment but it feels so much like treading the purges of fire and tears. Unfortunately the only way of assessing whether I am stretching myself too thin is to keep stretching until I tear. I can feel myself tearing but if I do any less than what I’m doing right now, I will crash and burn. I can’t do any more or any less than what I’m doing right now, otherwise, I will fail everything.
Although ultimately these tests won’t impact my grades very much, it still angers me that I didn’t do as well as I could have—even though everyone had similar problems. If this is a sign that I should temper my Pride with Prudence and awareness of my own limits, I think this might be it.
Something is going to have to be kicked out of my schedule and it can’t be sleep, it can’t be eating, it can’t be school, and it can’t be magick (which includes the things I do here.) I already had to get up at seven am this morning to fit everything into my schedule even after I had to drop running because I just couldn’t keep with a running schedule and my academic obligations.
It’s time to examine how I really spend my time and money.
Maybe I’m not being hard enough on myself. Maybe I’m being too hard on myself. It’s difficult to tell anymore.
Are you doing something because it’s really an aspect of yourself, who you really are, or are just doing something because you’re “supposed to be doing it”, running away from your true self after these issues like money or career?
If you’re doing something because you love it, you’ll just do it without any expectations, without any pressure about how it’s supposed to turn out. Even studying. If you really love those courses and the things you’re learning, you would not be paying attention to grades, schedules or any numbers whatsoever. Usually in a state like that one finds that things just fall into place, without having to force anything.
The Mesopotamian devil Pazuzu.
This blog is for all our brothers and Sisters that live on this planet, but especially for you who are in the path of your SPIRITUAL AWAKENING you’ve been wanting a chance to evolve and heal from the root. Every human being has his own individual growth and each time he comes to this purification. The question you have to ask yourself is: are you ready to take the next step in your evolution? First of all, I want to congratulate you because if you’re reading this it’s because you’re ready to heal and transform your life. You have taken an important step on the road to your evolution. This is not a coincidence, it is a causality you already corresponded by Divine right and inside you and you were looking for. we all come to this planet to remember who we really are, to heal, to control and transform our minds, and purify our spirit. Now you’re on the path to enlightenment. But how to achieve enlightenment? Like I said before, you are a being of light and therefore are an enlightened being, you just have to remember that you are, understand that within you is the light, not outside of you, everything you want, is inside, that’s where you have to focus all your attention. Instead of wanting to change others (focus on your exterior) for your be fine, you have to change your inner (your thinking) then from the root (wipe the conditioning of the subconscious) to heal completely.